In my recent conversation with the inspiring Meeru Dhalwala, a highly successful chef, author, and restaurateur, I was captivated by her unique perspectives on confidence, competition, and success. As an immigrant woman of colour, Meeru has navigated her path with resilience and authenticity, redefining what it means to live a ‘big life.’ Her journey, deeply rooted in her cultural heritage, offers profound insights into balancing internal confidence with external perceptions.
Meeru's journey as an immigrant child resonated deeply, as immigrant children and their parents often maintain a connection to their culture through food and traditional cuisine as a vital way to preserve their bond with their homeland. As Meeru shared, this cultural tether can evoke a love-hate relationship, particularly for children growing up in a new country. At home, the familiar smells and tastes of traditional food provide comfort, yet at school, these same scents can become a source of embarrassment. This dichotomy can lead to a sense of internal confidence that clashes with external perceptions, creating a 'toggle' between two cultures. For many newcomers, this struggle can impact their confidence.
Building Confidence Requires Embracing Authenticity and Resilience
Building Confidence Requires Embracing Authenticity and ResilienceConfidence is a dynamic trait that varies day by day. For Meeru, being ready for the world and living a big life requires the bravery to avoid superficial paths and choose what genuinely excites you. Instead of wasting time on what you’re 'supposed to do' or what looks good on paper, focus on what makes your heart thump with passion.
It’s okay to face setbacks and difficult times. When you take a hit and have a tough week, ask yourself how you can control the narrative. By working through these challenges, the meaning and growth you experience are exponentially rewarding.
The reality is that confidence is an evolving state; none of us is fully confident all the time—it comes in waves. Even those who seem extremely confident on the outside may experience inner conflict and self-doubt. Some days, you’ll have more confidence, and other days less, but even a small amount is enough. I appreciated Meeru’s philosophy of not comparing your confidence to others, but instead engaging with and accepting what you have. Appreciate your unique level of confidence and work with it.
Your confidence is also influenced by the people you work with and starts with how you talk to yourself. Reflect on how you can use your strengths to do what you are meant to do. When you follow a passion, you find the determination to overcome barriers. Often, these barriers seem smaller when you are wholeheartedly pursuing what you love.
By embracing authenticity and resilience, you can build a confidence that is true to yourself and capable of navigating life’s challenges.
Redefining Competition and Teamwork
True success transcends individual achievements and focuses on collective progress, where there is no competition and no ego. A team is more than just a group of people working together; it’s a force where individual success contributes to the success of all, and the well-being of one person reflects the well-being of others. Meeru has experienced the true definition of teamwork firsthand during her time at Vij’s and now running Lila. Instead of competing against each other, team members should support one another, creating an environment where generosity breeds generosity.
‘What I think contributes to why I consider myself successful is that I surround myself with other people, and we all work together honestly and sincerely. I believe that generosity breeds generosity, not competition. The real form of generosity is where I believe I became successful.’
This approach to teamwork, devoid of ego and competition, can lead to genuine partnerships, especially among women. By redefining what it means to work together, success becomes a shared journey rather than a solitary path.
Establishing Your Definition of Success
Success is deeply personal and varies for each individual. For some, it means balancing the heart and mind, ensuring both are aligned and content. It’s about being true to yourself and betting on your own potential. Success also involves embracing others as they are and allowing them to thrive authentically. It’s about being prepared to work for what you desire, rather than waiting for others to fulfill your needs.
Be yourself, because you can’t bet on yourself if you’re not yourself.
Leaving a Legacy
A significant aspect of success is leaving the world in a better place for future generations. For parents, this means setting an example for their children by actively working towards their dreams and fostering understanding among diverse groups. By focusing on our similarities rather than differences, we can create a more inclusive and understanding society. Meeru shared, "I want to leave my place in a better space for my two beautiful daughters. And I just can’t wish it for my girls without doing it as well. Life has to incorporate everybody because if not we will never understand each other because we’re looking at our differences before our similarities."
From my insightful conversation with Meeru, here are some of my key takeaways on how to navigate the complexities of confidence, competition, and success in a way that feels authentic and meaningful:
- Embrace Your Cultural Roots: Your heritage is a source of strength. Balance internal confidence with navigating external perceptions.
- Build Genuine Confidence: Confidence comes from self-acceptance and pursuing what truly matters to you, even when faced with challenges.
- Redefine Competition: Shift from competing against others to collaborating with them, fostering a supportive and generous environment.
- Define Your Own Success: Align your heart and mind, and stay true to yourself. Success is personal and should feel fulfilling.
- Create a Positive Legacy: Work towards a better future for the next generation by fostering understanding and inclusivity.
